Bloodtype Online

    Okay follow with me here because I’m not going over this again.  The uptight civilized mice bring a drawing of a doll to the bird people that live in a tree.  I guess that they want the bird people to make them a doll to play with (god I hope that is what they wanted it for!).  The reason that I’m not sure about this is because there isn’t any dialogue in the movie, so al of the story telling is done thru images and other artsy crap.  So the bird people make the doll, but really dig how it comes out.  So they give the mice their money back and go frolicking with it.  When they get the bright idea of cutting the doll open and impregnating it with an egg, and then crucify it on their home!  That night the mice come back and steal the doll, which is now with child, or I guess bird.  The bird people put on cloaks and set off on the epic journey to retrieve the doll.  Along the way we find out that a bird with a woman’s head I guess paid the mice to have the doll made.  There is honestly more to the plot, but it really doesn’t matter. 

    This is one of those festival movies that wins awards and gets some good buzz.  Then of course “regular” people like us get to see it and are I suppose too stupid to understand why the movie is so brilliant.  But you know I’m going to take shot at explaining myself anyways.  First of all the movie is boring as hell.  I don’t understand why I should give a damn about a stupid doll or why some puppets are fighting over it.  It makes no sense at all and holds no interest for me at all.  Then you have the decision to make the movie without dialogue.  We get to hear the same damn birdcall sped up or slowed down whenever the bird people “talk”.  Believe it or not this is the least annoying of the sounds used when various creatures “talk” (I’ve never hated sunflowers this much!).  After sixty minutes of this crap I was ready for some non-verbal communication by throwing the DVD out the front door of my house.     

    The puppeteer that put this movie together is praised for her work.  I don’t understand why that is.  The work is terrible and the puppets are all jerky and poorly constructed.  Ray Harryhausen worked by himself all the time and his stop motion animation looked pretty good.  Not only that but they smashed the hell out of stuff, which is great non-verbal communication!   

    So lets recap, a boring story, terrible decisions in how to deliver the narrative (no dialogue), awful looking puppets, and even worse puppetry all add up to a miserable way to spend an hour.  There isn’t a single good reason to watch this movie.  Well okay I suppose the whole bird egg/fetus/crucifixion thing is weird enough to get ½ a star.  But honestly guys avoid this at all costs.   

Rating - 1/2*