Bloodtype Online

    Islamic terrorists in one of the former Russian republics are buying up anything that they can use as WMDs so they can strike back at the Western powers.  During a recon mission in Afghanistan and elite US military unit finds evidence that a disgruntled American scientist may be developing something big for the terrorists.  The decision is made to dispatch the team into the forest to capture the scientists and bring back his research.  The one catch is that it is on Russian soil and their military is poking around looking for a lost patrol in the same woods.  But what both sides encounter is an enhanced bioengineered roost of flesh eating bats!  Now the race is on to survive the bats, avoid the Russians, and make sure the research doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. 

    You know you have to love the Sci-fi channel because without them I wouldn’t have nearly the amount of bad movies to watch that I currently own.  There is a formula that most cheap monster movies follow.  Create a reason for the characters to be isolated with the monster or in this case monsters.  Populate the cast with a bunch of throwaway characters that are only there to meet a gruesome end.  And finally it can’t hurt to have a mad scientist.  This movie has all three of the above and follows the formula so closely that I knew right from the beginning who was going to make it and who would end up bat chow.  That could of made the movie boring, except that they just gleefully kept killing characters, and then even threw in deaths of a few random characters that had nothing to do with the movie.  The cast is terrible and is lead by an ex Baywatch lifeguard!  Oh and the dialogue is cringe worthy.  I mean it is really bad and at times I wondered if the screenwriter spoke English!   

    As much as I enjoyed the bad writing and acting the effects did annoy me a bit.  I understand your creatures are going to be CGI in a movie like this with such a small budget.  Hell to be fair the CGI bats didn’t look all that bad.  But when you can’t afford to rent a helicopter and then use a terrible digital effect to give the “illusion” that one is landing then that is annoying.  Oh yeah one more thing. When you have a CGI chopper landing or taking off could you at least put a freaking wind machine on the actors?  It is sort of silly having all the helicopters about and no air moving.  There is also a really bad CGI explosion and fire at the end of the movie that is one of the worst I’ve seen.   

    At best this is a mediocre movie and in many ways is really kind of bad.  But if you have read many of my reviews you will know that I’m a fan of bad movies.  If you have an afternoon where you would like to chill out and watch a crappy movie than this one fits the bill.  I can’t recommend a purchase, but if you can rent it for a couple of bucks then go for it.   

**

-John "El Juan" Shatzer