Bloodtype Online

    Addison (Micheal Capes) is engaged to be married in the near future so his brother Carl (Joshua Breeding) throws him a bachelor party to send him off to the wonderful world of marriage. They all decide to have the party at their crazy Uncle Charlie's old bar that soon should be infested with a couple of classy strippers. I can not stress how much I want people to watch this movie because of the comedic stylings of actor Joshua Breeding. I laughed over ten times because of him and some of the other cast members. During this bachelor party there is drinking, lap dances, horny men squirting in their pants and frat boy debauchery. There are many jokes and depending on your personal taste in humor some stuff might fall flat but if you're an ass like me you'll almost be in tears. Again I have to mention how awful the killer is. The writer and director never hide who the killer is, put no effort into a cool outfit or gimmick and have no back story at all. They must have sat around at a bachelor party and thought that it would be a gnarly idea. The fact is the title charmed the shit out of me but didn't deliver much to satisfy a slasher fan. Everyone is craving a cool slasher and while I feel I watched a film that I will surely pop in my DVD player because of the comedic qualities and the skanky nudity.

    While the boys are having a great and unfaithful time, Addison's fiancé and Carl's wife are uneasy because they no their men are up to no good. After discussion they decide their going to crash this party but little do they no that the boys are being clipped one by one by an escaped prisoner. The two actresses are okay and managed to make me laugh at least once because of a syphilis joke! The strippers at the Bachelor Party aren't beauty pageant contestants or good actresses but at least their naked and annoying enough to desire  their inevitable death scenes. Too bad every single death scene is ruined by the absolute worst one liners by an uncharismatic female serial killer. The supposed psychopath kills a pizza delivery guy by stabbing him with a knife in the stomach through a pizza box. Then she makes sure she tells his corpse "I hate sausage". It's amazing to me the chemistry the guys all had together and I am sure some of there dialog was written by Brandon Baker. How does he go from making me laugh at the most immature humor to constructing some of the lamest kill sequences in horror history. I understand the budget was low so the actual kills didn't perturb me but the witless punchlines failed with a capital F.

    The sad thing is that I won't give this film under a 2 star rating because how much I enjoyed the interaction between the typical male characters. There are actually scenes that I love like Carl getting dropped off by his understandably bitchy wife before he goes to the bachelor party he put together for his more sensible brother. It's hilarious to watch his two friends hop out of their car and start sing "Titties in my face, Titties in my face". The look on both Carl and his wife's face are priceless. I won't spoil any more of the glee filled moments because there are plenty moments of misery like the awful grade school produced rap music soundtrack and a story that goes no where. The ending was typical and the killer just was at the party to slash. This movie should have followed the slasher formula but it didn't. If it would have came up with anything original involving the gruesome aspect or the history of the fugitive this film could have been actually good. It seems some people just want to put a movie out and capitalize off the fact that they know people will at least rent something called "Bachelor Party Massacre".

    To sum it up you will laugh but become increasingly annoyed with this story that goes no where. The effects aren't good but there is a body count over five and the low budget makes me forgive the technical aspects. I believe this film was shot on video and I'll admit I've seen worse video quality and far worse sound in countless micro budget films. This film will amuse any guy that falls in the category of strip club enthusiasts. I hear countless stories of guys that get threatened by their girlfriends, wives or fiancés if they take part in alcohol infused bachelor parties. In all honesty it's fucked up what us guys want to do right before our friends get hitched but ignorance is bliss. I hate this film in a way but I know I will watch it more than a few more times because of the character Carl. The soundtrack sounded like it was made on a keyboard by some cliché rappers with no talent. The end sucked and I hated The Killer played by Bay Bruner but I put no blame on her performance. The writing of the story was incredibly lame but I'll give the cast credit for the funny aspects of this film.

Rating - **

 -Russ Rutter