Bloodtype Online

    An Alien that claims to be pure thought (even though we later see it’s body!) lands on Earth to scout for an eventual invasion force.  The alien uses it’s mental abilities to dominate the weak minds of Earth’s lesser creatures like dogs, cows, the mentally handicapped and women (hey don’t blame me it is in this stupid movie!).  Luckily for all mankind the isolated farm that the creature lands near is home to farmer, father, and war hero Allan.  Allan is able to recognize that something is up and defeats the evil alien before it can blast off for home in it’s space craft (that looks strangely like a cappuccino machine).   

    This movie is terrible.  The story makes no sense and is boring as hell.  The animals that are supposed to be menacing are clearly a friendly German Sheppard, who viciously attacks while wagging it’s tail, and a cow!  The story starts off slow and only gets worse. Not only that but the movie is filled with terrible dialogue and even worse performances.  With the exception of the actor that portrays Allan the acting is just terrible.  Oh and when your romantic lead is Dick Sargent, Bewitched’s second Darren you know you are in trouble.   

    The special effects in this movie amount to very little.  You have an annoying high-pitched sound, a coffee maker standing in for a spacecraft, and a hand puppet alien (that claimed early on it didn’t have a body!).  It is just bad.   

    This movie is just terrible.  In fact this is one of the most painfully bad films that I’ve ever forced myself to sit thru.  Unlike some other bad movies that have a charm to them like Plan 9 from Outer Space, there is nothing fun about this film.  I took a bullet for you guys, so please avoid this one at all costs.   

Rating - Zero

-John "El Juan" Shatzer