Bloodtype Online

    Two brothers kidnap the daughter of a powerful criminal with the help of woman’s brother in an attempt to extort a ransom from the father.  Unfortunately for them the brother is an idiot and the plan quickly falls apart after the brother arrives with an attaché case full of tissue paper.  Scrambling to figure out what to do before the man tracks them down, and unaware of the assassins that are lurking nearby after following the brother to the hideout, things go from bad to worse.  It seems the surrounding woods are home to a homicidal maniac and he has set his sights on them all.  Can they survive the maniac, much less the furious crime boss that is now en-route to them?  I’m not telling you, go check this one out for yourself! 

    And I do really mean what I just wrote.  This movie reminds me a great deal of From Dusk till Dawn.  Not because of there are vampires (there aren’t), but because of how I felt about the movie after watching it.  If you haven’t seen From Dusk till Dawn (what the hell is wrong with you?) it feels like two entirely different movies.  The first half of the movie plays like a typical Tarantino ultra violent action movie, and then they get to the bar and it becomes a horror movie.  The difference with the Cottage is that the movie starts off as a comedy and then shifts gears halfway thru and becomes a pretty damn fun little slasher movie.  Honestly the first part of the movie where it tries to be a slapstick comedy with funny dialogue just didn’t work for me.  It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t find it to be all that funny.  But when the movie transitions into a horror film with some funny bits it works really well, and I actually laughed more.  Of course that probably means there is some deep-seated psychological problems with my personality, but what the hell.  The kills are fun and surprisingly bloody.  I really like the cast, including Andy Serkis (Golem from LOTR) whom I never would of expected to be such a great actor.  I also want to mention Jennifer Ellison, who portrays Tracey the kidnapping victim.  She does a great job in her role and I was rooting for her.  Rooting for her to be killed that is.  Trust me you have to check her performance out to understand what I’m saying.  The best part about the movie is the ending, which provides one more laugh and surprise.  And I’m not talking about what follows the credits, which I found annoying, but the actual end of the movie.   

    I feel obligated to mention the special effects.  This isn’t Friday the 13^th; it is a low budget direct to DVD horror comedy.  So yes most of the effect shots are CGI heavy.  As all of you know I’m not a fan of CGI.  But the effects in this movie don’t really bother me at all.  The kills are CGI, but the filmmakers don’t let the scenes stay on screen long enough to look bad.  Plus the makeup on the killer and some of his “trophies” are about as good as anything I’ve seen.  So for that reason the CGI kills didn’t really bother me. 

    Imagine if someone in England wanted to make a comedic version of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and you have the Cottage.  I love this movie as much as any other horror comedy that I’ve ever watched.  Hell I’ve already watched this movie twice and plan on showing it to all of my friends.  Go out now and get this one, you won’t be sorry.  

Rating - ***1/2