Bloodtype Online

          Horror Fest has arrived around the Bloodtype Online area and the first film we watched from this disorganized horror fest is “Dark Ride”. After being entertained by the horrible but fun and amazingly gory “See No Evil” Kane vehicle earlier this year I was excited by this new slasher. I read about it in the most recent Fangoria and I couldn’t wait to get to my local theatre to watch a bunch of foolish teens get sliced and diced. The plot is simple, a group of dumb teenagers on a road trip decide to crash in a shut down theme park attraction called “Dark Ride” to save money instead of going to a hotel. Little do they know a killer, Jonah, has escaped a mental institute (Brutally Killing two assholes before his triumphant exit) and now is residing in the same ride that they are sleeping in. The cast has some familiar faces, the most popular being Jamie Lynn Sigler from The Sopranos plays Cathy. She is nothing special throughout the entire flick but she fit the role of a 19 year old. By that I mean typical, idiotic and bitchy. The cocky prick of this group was in the sometimes remembered MTV boy band spoof show “2gether”.Also Patrick Renna, the fat kid from “The Sandlot” and “Son in Law” was the cinematic geek of the group. Rounding out the cast is some unknowns in some stereotypical roles. We got a hitch hiking Phish groupie, a college campus slut and Cathy’s on and off boyfriend. The movie is a fun although the dialog is terrible at times. We get to know these uninteresting characters for a little bit and shit get rolling when the teens start talking about the events that took place in the Dark Ride ten years ago.

            From here we see a sliced throat, a girl giving head while losing it , a loose eye ball shot and a split down the middle rent-a-cop kill. I think the plot was promising but the movie should have been scarier. Horror fans most likely won’t be disappointed unless they compare this half decent movie to their beloved 80’s slashers. The end has some surprises that could be predictable to those paying attention to the story. The ending has that explain everything style that gets under my skin but slasher like “ My Bloody Valentine” and “Friday the 13^th” have done the same thing. I shouldn’t make that excuse/comparison for this movie that is by no means comparable to those earlier successes. The killer is cooler than WWE’s Kane in “See No Evil” but this film is not nearly as relentless and brutal.

If this gets released  in 2007 it should make a little change for Lions Gate if it gets the proper push and release. Just don’t go in expecting the most brutal slasher or a satisfying story. Jonah could have been an interesting character but instead he was an excuse to watch moronic teens get killed in fairly impressive ways. The sound looked a little off sometimes in this movie and there was one excellent scary shot involving lighting and timing. Not too many jump scares and I hope some horror fans out there want make a slasher better than this one. I still give the entire cast and crew props for trying to deliver fans of the genre a fun and brainless horror movie.

 Rating -**

-Russ Rutter