Bloodtype Online

    The evil Ming the Merciless, ruler of the universe, has targeted the Earth for destruction.  Only the brilliant Dr. Zarkoff has anticipated this and in preparation for a counter attack has built a rocket ship in his greenhouse.  As it happens quarterback for the New York Jets Flash Gordon and a beautiful travel agent named Dale Arden happen to crash their airplane into the house while Zarkoff is looking for someone to crew his spaceship.  Before you know it they are on their way to Mongo to fight Ming and save the Earth.  Along the way Flash gets to show off his mad football skills, do battle with future James Bond Timothy Dalton, hang out with Hawkmen, and master piloting alien spacecraft in a few minutes.  Take that Chad Pennington!  Anyway in the end Flash does battle with Ming and saves the universe. 

    This is one of the best examples of a bad good movie that I can think of.  The plot is terrible and contrived.  I mean they crash into Zarkoff’s house just in time to catch a ride on his rocket ship.  Oh and how about the fact that Ming’s security forces are so good that they allow condemned men to escape not once, but twice.  This is just awesome stuff.  But you know I think that the filmmakers were trying to be silly and were inspired by the old movie serials from the 30s.  Not only that but in spite of being a silly script this movie is very entertaining and fun to watch.  I can’t imagine anyone actually being bored by this movie.  I mean you may laugh at how unintentionally funny the film can be, but you won’t be falling asleep.  The cast does a fine job of understanding how campy the material is and going with it.  You actually have a pretty decent group of actors including Timothy Dalton (James Bond), Max von Sydow (Strange Brew you hosers), and Richard O’Brien (Rocky Horror Picture Show).  Plus you have one of the hottest actress of the early 80s Melody Anderson as Dale Arden.  What else could you ask for? 

    There are two obvious technical things that you have to mention when discussing this movie.  First are the special effects.  This movie is legendary for how bad the effects are.  Not only did they not break any ground with the effects on this movie, but also they managed to screw up the basics.  Everything from visible wires to green screen effects that make the actors look transparent make it clear that the effects department didn’t have a clue what they were doing.  But for me the absolute best thing this movie offers is the music.  For the uninitiated this movie boasts a soundtrack from the band Queen and is very distinctive.  This soundtrack is second only to Maximum Overdrive as my favorite of all time.   

    I have to believe that if you looked up campy movie in the dictionary you would have to get a picture of Flash Gordon.  In spite of it’s obvious flaws, or maybe because of them, this movie ends up being a good time.  I recommend that everyone put this cult classic in his or her collection. 

***

-John "El Juan" Shatzer