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For the best of the Horror/Cult/Exploitation film experience
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
Lindsay Lohan stars in what has to be the biggest clusterfucks the horror genre had to offer so far in 2006. The funny thing is that the Hollywood Badgirl Lindsay Lohan is the best thing about this exercise in subgenre clutter. The story in the beginning is simple and intriguing. Lohan plays Aubrey, a talented High School senior who has no plans in giving her boyfriend Jared any type of action. She is a gifted fiction writer and on her free time she is a pianist but she gives that up very early in the movie at much of her instructor’s dismay. Soon after her soon to be ex high school sweethearts football game Aubrey goes missing. Soon after Aubrey’s disappearance a stripper named Dakota is found on the side of the road with missing limbs. It just so happens that Dakota looks exactly like Aubrey. The only difference between the two is that Dakota has a foul mouth and she actually lets Jared bang her! Throughout the film there is all kinds of styles, subplots and tones. When Aubrey's parents come to visit her new half an arm, half a leg body they are at awe at how convincing she is. Dakota has absolutely no recollection of being Aubrey. She claims to be an underage stripper that grew up with a white trash mother. Also she claims to Jared that her limbs just fell off. The cops are pissed because they believe that the killer put her on medication that would keep her awake during the crimes. She has absolutely no memories of being tortured. In fact she believes that her arm and legs just fell off. I know it sounds strange but this part of the story isn't all that bad!
There’s some police procedural action, clothed sex scenes, artsy fartsy premonition with owls in blue lighting (not kidding), there is some non religious stigmatic stuff that I actually enjoyed on my second viewing of this film and there are red herrings for days. All types of people are suspects for the viewer because the police in the film think Dakota is Aubrey and Aubrey is delusional. As far as the suspects, here goes:Perverted yard worker, FBI Guy, Boyfriend, Strip Club patron, Tattooed guy on the bus, her father and more. I am surprised the cops weren’t made to look like potential killers with weak clues and sinister close ups.
Did
I mention the film is blue? It’s blue as fuck. Blue strip club lighting,
Blue High School football uniforms, blue transitions, blue medical gloves,
blue stones and who the fuck cares! Still this doesn’t really bother
me that much but I notice everyone else claiming this watchable disaster
to be a visually stunning movie. Take it from me the only thing visually
stunning is Lohan’s ass during the stripping scenes and she doesn’t
even bare all. Actually she does get kind of raunchy on the pole.
Some
of the plot twist later in the film make up for what I could have called
a totally predictable film. The twist I am talking about has to do with
Aubrey and who is or isn’t her alter ego, Dakota. What takes a blue
smurf shit on this well written twist is the identity of the killer
which is so bad it almost has its charms for the audacity the writers
had. You have to respect people that don’t care if they ruin there
own film.
Despite
the films flaws the story is easy to watch. I caught myself being annoyed
with the inconsistency of style and mood but I got a kick out of how
disastrous I found this film to be. The film is getting all types of
praise for its Argento like visuals but I just enjoyed the story and
one the revealing moment in terms of Lohan’s characters. There are
strip scenes that are too long, characters disappear and not in the
“missing” sort of way, Lindsay Lohan’s did some skanky stuff as
the stripper but her character just didn’t feel authentic. In all
honesty I can’t imagine the script being easy to turn down until they
read the ending. The biggest problem is the overall execution and mixture
of skin covered sleaze, owls and plot twists for days.
While
I am shitting on this movie I really think I would watch it again. The
story has a plot that is ultra soap opera and I can’t stress how all
over the place style wise this movie is. Chris Sivertson needs to stick
to maybe one or two kind of horror films he admires when making a horror
film. This film was part Argento, part “Saw”, part “Parent Trap”
with a shitty “Bone Collector” ending. Watch this once and make
fun of it with your friends! You’ll enjoy the initial plot, the movie
falling apart, picking up the pieces and then tossing them back in the
air gleefully like people want to watch the mess. All of the practical
and visual effects were good but I wouldn’t go out of way to go into
detail about the gore as this wasn’t that kind of film. It just has
its moments. I don’t doubt the energy that went into this film. It
was nearly empty on originality and no one knew when to say stop during
the writing or filmmaking process. I wasn’t on set so I don’t know
who to blame. It’s not Lindsay’s fault. I don’t care if she was
binging on whatever drug the media constantly blames her of taking.
I think it’s the worst executed horror film of the year. Yes it’s
below “Captivity”.
* ½
-Russ Rutter
