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Mustang Sally's Horror House (2006)
MTI Video's latest offering is "Mustang Sally's Horror House" starring E.G Daily as a Madam of a brothel house. The plot is simple and resembles Hostel with the seductive women luring horny men narrative. The film opens with the lead male character Josh in a mental facility talking to his self while looking at pictures of his friends. In this scene Josh (Mark Parrish) seems regretful and traumatized so from the very beginning I was positive I would see a body count.
The film begins with Josh hanging out with his buddies Seamus the dorky character, Luke the jock, Mike the guy who gets to get killed by the hottest chick Titianna, Toby the future doctor and Ryan the boot kisser that eventually submits to his afro sporting dominatrix Persuasion. These cookie cutter characters all hang out at the same dump diner their fathers hung out and are sick of their bland lives. When hearing some bikers talk about a place called Mustang Sally's their collective boners rise. Soon they all make up their minds with no delay. That's right it's time to bang some hookers with rubbers to avoid syphilis lesions for these boys.
Once arriving at Mustang Sally's the audience is treated to more introductions but this time it's the stereotypical escorts all with fun aliases. Each man gets paired up with a prostitute and the scenes go on forever. A few of the girls take a liking to the guys, well besides Persuasion, she's more into spanking and chastising her partner Ryan. There is T&A but less than you would see in Porky's or Hostel but that doesn't tell anybody if this is a good film or not. Is it watchable? Yes. We're the girls hot? Yes I would even pay to bang them although my gig at Bloodtype Online pays me quite nicely. Still the film doesn't deliver the gory goods although the body count is respectable. The editing is the worst attribute of this film, especially scenes when one of the characters gets popped. The filmmakers also forgot about make up effects for gun wounds or some smoke maybe coming from a gun. It's funny because shortly after some gun kills there's some okay looking effects. Still before any solid effects there was some lame off screen kills or simple blood running from a toy knife stabbings. While people die this is not a gorrific experience to say the least.
Still I enjoyed some of the story and even the ending but you won't find anything original in "Mustang Sally's Horror House". Still there is plenty of eye candy and I love the fact that E.G Daily is the go to actress for whore parts ever since her role as Candy in "The Devil's Rejects". Still I like her sexy looks and her raspy voice so her presence is always welcome on my television. Still the never ending homoeroticism beats out "Hostel" by a billion miles. There is one scene filled with so many dick jokes it felt like a cock was hypnotizing me. On second thoughts I was just bored to death with some of the most pointless and time filling dialog I have heard in some time. The film has some backwoods cut and slash, battles of the sexes (Luke as the jock with a rock as his weapon against the dames was hilarious surprisingly) and some sweet revenge. The story is packed with so many coincidences that are impossible to take serious. All of the guys fathers have something to do with Mustang Sally. On top of some of my complaints is the cop that watches out for Sally. He doesn't know what she's up to but he takes a liking to her. I don't know if his role as the cop was supposed to be comic relief from the killing going on. He spend most of his time on his walky talky speaking to Nadine, a lady that flirts with him for everyone to hear instead of calling his cell phone. This is a continuing joke that is never funny but this movie offers worse. You've all seen set up's like this before and hopefully all you guys seen a few boobies here and there. That's about all the movie is other than implausibility and unintelligent banter between fraternity types.
My final thoughts are the dialog was garbage, the story was familiar but okay with a satisfying ending and every girl was smokin'. My favorite performance was by E.G Daily of course and I believe she sang the closing credits theme. Worst performance goes to the tall glass of water Joni Kempner as Titianna. She couldn't deliver dialog good whatsoever. She still gorgeous but her acting was hideous. This might end up director Iren Koster's ("Dead End") most known film one day and that is not a good thing. There are some substandard twist that I personally enjoyed but I imagine people walking away from this film wanting there time and money back. Trust me this films core audience is more intelligent than the movie itself. Some people pumping this sludge out must think we're idiots. We're not, we just like tits and have campy fun with terrible films!
Rating - *1/2
-Russ Rutter
