Bloodtype Online
For the best of the Horror/Cult/Exploitation film experience
Volume Three
The made-for-tv train keeps rollin' on:
This time around a couple of killer rat movies, beginning with the original Willard:
Sometimes I'd like to only write about things I like. Such is not the case here.
I recently re-visited Willard. Look, I won't shit you here, if you've seen the remake with Crispin Glover, there's no real reason to go hunt this down. Whatever it was about this that endeared itself to me over the years is apparently not there anymore.
The score sounds as if it was lifted from a Tom & Jerry cartoon. The cast isn't really spectacular, but they are pretty funny to watch make a half-assed attempt at acting. Bruce Davison has had a...hmmm....long career, plays Willard Stiles. Davison is competent in giving the character a nerdy, passive approach, but Glovers' a naturally creepy dude, which Davison can't compete with.
Seemingly, the only thing this has going for it, is that it was made in the gloriously non-PC
1970's. The gem: Ernest Borgnine, who stars as Willards boss unleashes this beauty- an employee from the office recounts the previous nights anniversary party rat invasion (complete with wiggling), "you should've seen this hero, up on a chair, squealing like a fag".
Skip this, watch the remake.
Which brings us to Ben, the sequel....I was honestly surprised at how they ramped up the cheese (pun intended) factor.
Once again, no Golden Globes will be won by the cast, but it does have Meredit Baxter's pretty ass in it. It's got this kid who's reminiscient of Mikey from the old Life cereal commercials. So the story goes, David (this little kid) befriends Ben, the rat. He's a multi-talented kid, too. He's a puppeteer, and a composer of great music. Don't believe me? Check out the scene where he writes the words & music to the song, Ben. You know the song..."Ben, some-thing, some-thing-blahblahblahblah" Beyond that, though, not too memorable.
I wanted to keep the 'killer rats' theme moving, but I gotta be honest with ya...they got me feeling run down. I will however, move from rats to Ants! The following is strictly filler material.
Let's start with the cast:
Robert Foxworth, who puts forth an angry Mike Brady vibe here
Lynda Day George who seemed to be in alot of movies during this time period
Brian Dennehy who's obviously collecting a paycheck, as a fire chief who instructs
his crew in the proper procedures of rescue.
And finally....Suzanne Somers, who was a hot property at the time.
A developer wants to buy Lakewood Manor, a hot property unto itself, and tear it down, to make a hotel/casino resort. He has to get it away from it's longtime owner, though, played by Myrna Loy. Needless to say things are very wrong from the start.
A new development is being built nearby and the crew disturbs the poisonous ants that are living underneath. Two construction workers learn early on the destructive nature of the ants. Naturally as their space is invaded by humans, they begin their migration to Lakewood Manor. I must make myself clear as to how bad these ants are: Bernie Casey is attacked by them, his leg goes numb (he'll recover)- this happens as the camera scrolls down to show the ants are apparently only on his leather work boots (?). That only begs to question: what chance does the Birkenstock wearing, kitchen staff of one man have against the killers???
Little Tommy finds out just how bad they can be....Tommy's a good kid with good intentions. You see, Tommy & his mom are alone now, and he wants to help anyway he can. He decides to find returnable bottles. Now for all you youngsters out there, there was a time when you had to put a deposit on your soda bottles, which you'd get back once the bottles were returned...anyway, Tommy goes dumster diving for the bottles and is taken out by the ants. The scene really comes off as funny.
The developer from earlier, happens to be staying at the spacious L.M. and is close to "magic time" or closing the deal. He humps Suzanne Somers and leaves her naked ass in bed as he sets off to conquer the land. Suzanne pays the ultimate price and we get a small, overhead side-boob shot.
