Bloodtype Online
For the best of the Horror/Cult/Exploitation film experience
Volume Seven
Last
year Comcast was airing commercials depicting how much faster cable
internet service was than DSL. They showed a clip of 2 cowboys standing
at a bar and one guy would draw his weapon, spin it, put it back and
slap the other guy almost simultaneously. That clip is from a movie I’m
going to talk about.
They Call Me Trinity
Terrence
Hill is Trinity: right hand of the devil, legendary fastest gun in the
west. So good he can shoot 2 people with one bullet like picking up a
spare. Bud Spencer is Bambino: Horse thief on the run, the left hand of
the devil & Trinity’s brother. He’s on the run for his crimes, and
under shady circumstances, becomes sheriff of a small town.
The
boys don’t get along so well and couldn’t be more different. Trinity’s
laid back, thin and doesn’t take things so seriously. Bambino, he’s a
hulking figure, is always serious and high strung. Together though they
strike a deal to steal the Major’s (a ne’er do well in his own right)
horses.
The
Major has a bunch of money and plenty of cronies to go around and he
ain’t about to let some meddling sheriff and punk quick draw stand in
his way. He teams up with another thug- Mezcal, the leader of a band of
marauders- to get rid of some Mormons, so he can have the land.
The
Trinity movies are spaghetti westerns, with slapstick & sight gags.
Funny stuff, but not really hilarious. I recommend them, though, if you
like that kind of humor.
Trinity Is Still My Name
The
story picks up with 4 guys sitting around a campfire eating beans.
They’re approached by Bambino who steals their horses & beans. Not
long after, the same 4 guys will be robbed of their precious beans by
none other than Trinity.
Now
Pa, who’s not long for the earth, wants his boys to have respectable
prices on their heads (isn’t that every fathers dream?) before he gives
up the ghost. In a moment of pure love, he makes Bambino look after
little brother and bring him along to be the best damn horse thief he
can be. Bambino, not even slightly interested in this deal, reluctantly
obliges.
The
first hold up is on a family of God fearing folk, who unfortunately
have a broken wagon wheel. The boys decide to help them and ultimately
end up giving them money.
This is a recurring theme in this movie.
Let’s
see…we have a baby who has gas, drunken Monks & that scene that I
wrote about at the beginning of this episode of MB&B. Bambino will
try to confess his sins to one of the padres, to comical results.
Once again, recommended viewing if you dig that slapstick style humor.
Super Fuzz
Alright, this time we get Terrence Hill minus Bud Spencer plus Ernest Borgnine.
I’ll
say this; we don’t have the same chemistry. The movie was probably put
together to capitalize on Hill’s popularity. It is Italian, however.
Whatever that may be worth.
T.H.
is Officer Speed, a police officer, now condemned man who’s escaped two
previous execution attempts. How? Well, he’s…super. How did he get
those superpowers? Well let me tell you how. He’s on the hunt for a
felon or some shit in this small Florida town somewhere in the swamp.
The Governor decides to launch a missile which is going to detonate
over this town, covering everything in Red Plutonium. Speed is covered
and bam! He’s a superhero. That’s pretty much it. He spends the rest of
the movie doing superhero crap and trying to be funny.
Of course there’s more to the story than that, but it’s about as flimsy as 1 actual ply of your cheapest toilet paper.
I
can’t believe I really thought this was good at one time in my life.
I’m glad I replaced the drugs with booze. Know what? Do yourselves a
favor and go rent The Dead Girl. That is highly recommended. Now that
I’ve done something nice today, I can drink beer and sin and not feel
bad about it…at least until tomorrow.
That is all.
