Bloodtype Online

    Some people should not make movies.  If you have no budget and no story then just stop.  If you don’t then you are going to end up making something like the Planet.  The story starts off with a cargo ship being attacked by little fighter space ships.  After an extended fight that would embarrass a Playstation game (terrible effects) the cargo ship is evacuated and blown up.  Then the little ships leave and the survivors crash on a nearby planet that doesn’t appear on their star charts.  In addition to the survivors of the crew a mysterious prisoner they were transporting also ends up on the planet, which appears to be a barren desert.  When anyone dies on the planet they become terribly rendered CGI monsters that are mostly invisible and immune to all weapons except the “antique” revolver one of the crew is carrying.  While the survivors struggle not to become monsters, the survivor finds a rusty sword, which then turns him into a giant monster that absorbs the monsters to power itself.  Then there is a big fight where someone stabs it with the sword it carelessly left sitting on the ground which then allows someone else to shoot it and everyone dies.  The end. 

    There is absolutely nothing here to recommend this movie.  In fact I don’t even want to call this cheaply made, poorly written, trash a movie.  From the opening sequence where they totally rip off Alien to the story itself, which feels like a shittier version of Pitch Black, there is nothing new here.  Not a damn thing at all!  Plus not only do they literally steal ideas from other Sci-fi movies but also they do a terrible job of taking advantage of it.  There are long boring scenes of people walking in the desert, which do nothing more than stretch the runtime of the movie out to a feature length.  If you are going to steal from other films at least steal enough story to fill up eight or so minutes!  What makes this movie even worse is the terrible cast.  The bottom line here guys is that they just can’t act.  Okay sorry if I offend anyone, but these guys are about as professional as those responsible for the terrible script and shitty effects (more on that later).   As always lousy actors and a lousy script equals a painfully bad movie.    

    The first ten minutes of the movie take place on the freighter as it tries to fight off the attacking ships.  As I stated above the special effects for this scene are all computer generated and look like hell.  I’ve seen video games from ten years ago that look better than this movie.  But this isn’t the worst thing.  I would suppose because of a lack of budget the filmmakers decided to not build any sets.  Instead for the first ten minutes of the movie the actors are working with a green screen or some sort of similar digital effect.  This includes fires and objects that fall behind the actors instead of on them and several scenes with them running in place pretending to move!  There is more, but do I really have to continue? 

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Make the movie you can afford to.  If you have to half ass something it is going to suck, just like this movie does.  Avoid this crap at all costs.   

Rating - Zero

- John “El Juan” Shatzer