Bloodtype Online

   The cover of “Stupid Teenagers Must Die” includes the tagline “Excessive Violence, Gratuitous Nudity, Zero Budget”. Seeing this slogan brought some expectations because the title kicks ass and what slasher fan doesn’t want to see titties and stereotypical teens meet a violent demise all done on a shoestring budget?

            When I started the film I was amused and annoyed at the same time because I was watching a college guy mess with a high school girl in bad lighting. Who gives a fuck about lighting? I still caught a glimpse of the hot blonde in a red bra! It’s too bad I jerked off before the movie started (gotta love boredom) but what does that matter when I can store that broad in my spank bank! Anyway, the guy that gets lucky dies! You all know how it works but this first scene delivered in grotesque slasher form. The day before a séance this character gets stabbed and dragged through a squishy puddle of his own blood! He’s the first unlucky teen to go but no worries plenty more go in this hilarious zombie/slasher/haunted horror bloodshake with a cast all game for some exploitive and idiotic fun.

            The premise is about a guy named Murder Magee that killed his entire family and buried them all in his back yard. These eclectic bunch of one dimensional characters get together for the séance lead by resident goth chic in Murder Magee’s house. These mother fuckers are asking for it and thank god. This movie was incredible because of the silly writing and the cast! There is some lesbo action, some April Fools Day references, ghosts that jump from body to body turning the group into zombies all at some point. The movie is a homage to campy 80’s slashers but the claustrophobic atmosphere emulates “Night of the Living Dead”. My favorite character was Kane because he didn’t want to take part in retarded games and was  the voice of reason. His girlfriend had some dignity I guess because she didn’t flash her boobies once. Fuck! He doesn’t even know half this group of dikes (yeah they fool around), geeks, an alligator shirt douche, sexy blonde and the leather jacket guy ( He’s cool and he smokes pot!). They all deserved to die but I enjoyed every single character. The dorks were over the top and energetic, The black guy (Does he die first?) was heroic and sympathetic. He just wanted to get himself and his girlfriend out of the spooky house and every girl was willing to bare breast in homage to cliché genre material from the decade of decadence.

            The story is unpredictable because all of the genres mixed in. Characters can kill other characters and not be at fault because they are ghost zombies the spirit of Murder Magee travels through. The movie takes its time between each death sequence but does deliver. Also if you miss a character they can always come back as a ghoul! No one is safe and the title is the biggest spoiler.

            This is Director Jeff C. Smith’s first feature film and he accomplished a lot of stuff. Horror/Comedy gets old after a while but every now and then someone makes it fresh. The different characters made the movie enjoyable and that credit goes to the tongue in cheek writing. The actors gave competent performances that brought the dialogue to life hysterically. There is one scene where a girl strips naked because she can't stand that her girlfriend's blood is on her. This is a horror fans fantasy brought to life! The movie delivered 100% of the goods! The title didn’t lie and I am proud to own this movie! I am brave enough to say that this is the best independent horror comedy I’ve seen since I’ve been reviewing horror films.

            The special effects were fun and at times pretty damn good. Look for a gutted girl in a bathtub, intestines hanging from the ceiling, axe kills and some spot on old school zombie eye make up! Great job for a small budget. The film was probably shot on video and because of the bad lighting a lot of scenes had some specks and grittiness to them but that added to the 80’s vibe. None of the jokes fell flat and I wasn’t bored for a moment at all. It was cool to root for a crew of characters that were not going to survive the haunted spirit of a family hacking maniac. The ensemble got the joke and spit the dialogue out with pitch perfect comedic timing. Missing out on this film is a disservice to yourself if you like slashers, independent cinema and humor laced horror. The film will grow on me as it stains my memory with laughs and the mixtures of subgenres! I can’t wait to show my friends so if your reading this review…Go get this, enjoy it and spread the word.

Rating - ***1/2

-Russ Rutter