In 1987 the Palonia Brothers brought their version of the down home splatter films they obviously enjoy. Be warned that this film includes immature and tasteless torture scenes. Also there is some terrible acting by the two leads Mark and John Palonia who are real life twins and also play the twins Alan and Joseph. The lead villain is Jeremy a homicidal farmhand that will kill or fuck anything in sight…including a severed head. The Palonia Brothers and Actor/Co Director Todd Smith should be proud of this scene being that this film predates “High Tension” and “Murder-Set-Pieces”.
The story is simple, Alan and Joseph take a summer vacation at their Aunt Lacey’s run down farm in the sticks. Upon arrival they meet their aunts strange helper and as the story progresses they discover more strange things about Jeremy. Instead of getting the fuck out of dodge they remain at the house for more boredom and strange events.
Little do the foul mouthed and monotone twins realize that their aunt is also a weirdo that spends time with her dead husband from time to time. She also flirts with one of the twins and in one scene drugs and date rapes one of them.
While none of the acting is good I can’t deny the certain charm this film has. I couldn’t help route for the twins because they we’re such tools. That’s what I love about independent films shot on video, anyone can make a film that way. While some scenes dragged I was still impressed with the silly writing and immature dialog that consist of fart jokes, swearing and a simple enough story for the audience to remain interested. I won’t call this a classic, it’s not even close. But I will say that the envelope was pushed all over the place during the final few scenes. What to expect you ask? Dynamite in twats, fist fucking rectum style, poop and urine force feeding, frail male ass, killer dancing in glee, incest/molestation and implied necrophilia. I hope your in the mood for some white trash Jerry Springeresque plot twist!
The actress playing Aunt Lacy comes off as senile but I give credit to an old lady for being open minded enough to take part in such juvenile filmmaking. I still give credit to the two young directors and Todd Smith for making a trashy film and understanding there is an audience for such absurdity. Films like this in the 80 used the same ad campaign as the much more shocking and exploitive films of the 70’s. Still the climax rivals some of the crudest scenes in those films. Those with frat boy sensibilities and admirers of 80’s cheese should get a kick out of the homemade effects. The writing isn’t near intelligent but the brash humor and the sexual depravity and perverse water sports should turn the stomach of non die hard horror fans. This is another must purchase for anyone who hasn’t been disappointed with any of the titles the folks at Camp Motion Pictures picked up.
The slow motion editing and the soundtrack are quite tiring and there is hardly any energy in this film when it comes to the physical stuff. Even the snail speed torture scenes became lame. I wonder if the actors weren’t intense during these particular scenes and there for the directors may have edited these scenes due to poor vocal performances. All of the story takes place on a farm at a legit location so at least that gives this film more than the typical backyard filmmaking vibe. Also boy is this movie 80’s with the guys wearing short shorts in certain scenes…damn near see there scrotums. The twins also rock adolescent porno mustaches!
Despite the films flaws and its overspent time limit that was all to simple to justify anything over an hour, I was still pleased with the vulgar wackiness and the nerd appeal of the two leads. I feel that when consumers pay to see a slasher or a notorious 80’s cheapie they should feel like the film delivered. While “Splatter Farm” delivers some boring moments, it’s still not short of shock for shocks sake and some unexplored sequences of perversion. It could have been trimmed but there was enough morbid ideas and memorable deaths to make this worth seeing.
The DVD features Commentary by Mark and John Polonia, a great and insightful view into the filmmaking process of “Splatter Farm” with a “Back to the Farm” Documentary. For those that are interested in this film make sure you view the trailers to all the other Camp Motion Releases. Also the DVD comes with liner notes from the filmmakers. It’s great to see a film get released 20 years later. While it’s not a work of “art” to some snobs out there, it is to me. I am happy for the Palonia Brothers because now they have a piece of their past for everyone to enjoy. Camp Motion Pictures plans on releasing “Splatter Beach” starring Erin Brown, which is a new genre film from the duo in the next couple of months
“You got a brain asshole?”
“I hate to spoil lunch but I got to take a shit”
Rating - **1/2