Bloodtype Online

    Have you ever imagined a western with zombies?  I mean you have the built in coolness of gunfighters blazing away with their six shooters trying to keep the undead from eating them.  Well that is what I thought I was getting when I sat down to watch this movie, but what I got was a weird attempt at a comedy.  The movie opens with a stranger named Elmer riding into town.  He bellies up to the bar and starts to get friendly with the local whore.  Of course the whore has duped the gullible Luke into believing that she loves him and wants to settle down.  So when Luke shows up he and Elmer get into a fight, which lands them in the jail of the corrupt local sheriff.  Not only that but the other occupant of the jail happens to be a local who ate his family’s brains (yep he is a zombie!).  Of course Luke and Elmer break out of jail and take back the money that the sheriff has stolen from them, but in the process the deputy gets bit by the zombie.  So of course the sheriff gets bit and then the boys have a posse of zombie riding after them across the range!  Not only do they have to deal with the zombies, but the run into an Indian woman who is out for revenge on the white man.  She is the niece of Geronimo, who started the whole zombie crisis with his revenge curse on those who stole his land.  Before you know it the three are surrounded on all sides by the ever-growing horde of zombies.   

    I had real hopes for this movie, but it failed in so many ways.  The story is interesting; especially the idea that an Indian curse on the white man is responsible for the zombies.  The zombie cowboys that retained their minds and were able to ride horses and shoot back were also cool.  Though the movie seems to have forgotten that they can do this and had them stumble around stupidly at times when it was convenient.  And while I understand that this is a comedy the movie switches between taking the zombies seriously and then shifts into slapstick without warning.  From a story telling standpoint that just smacks of laziness.  Either play the zombie serious and find your humor in the situation (ala. Shaun of the Dead) or play it all for laughs, but you can’t have it both ways.  Otherwise the movie just doesn’t work, which Undead or Alive is an excellent example of.  Also I have a bone to pick with the cast.  With the exception of James Denton who portrays Elmer, no one puts any effort into their roles.  Chris Kattan is playing the same lame ass character that he plays in almost everything else I’ve seen him in; only this time he is wearing a cowboy hat!  Now I don’t want to lie, the movie does have a few moments of comic gold where it got me chuckling, but those moments come far to infrequently to make this movie funny.   

    Technically this movie ranges from being a mess to looking beautiful.  The movie is shot on film, which honestly after watching the movie surprised the hell out of me.  While the exteriors look amazing, whenever the action shift to an interior it looks terrible.  The shots are dark and it is difficult in some scenes to see what is going on.  Buy a freaking light already!  The effects are a mix of well down practical effects and shitty CGI, with most of it being practical.  The zombies look good and there are a couple of “stars” here, including an emaciated looking storekeeper and a still sexy prostitute.  The bullet hits and firearms are done on set, which I appreciated in this age of CGI muzzle flashes.  The movie is being played mostly for laughs, which means not a lot of gore. 

    Bottom line here guys is that this is at best a mediocre zombie movie and at worst a sub-par comedy.  As I said there are a few moments where the movie is funny, but mostly it isn’t.  Still there are some cool zombies and plenty of violence.  If you are a fan of zombies then you may want to rent his simply to check out some interesting effects, but keep your expectations low.   

**

-John "El Juan" Shatzer